new blog

sorry i havent been updating AT all. it's been a busy year.

anyway, i have a new blog. here's link:

http://www.lionsmoke.wordpress.com

yup. so go check it out (:

December 2nd.

and revision for finals kick off. i have planned out my chapters and what i need to finish each day. if i follow my plan, i will be fine. so far. im one day behind everything haha.

i have been good. developed a reliance on caffeine which is insane. havin like double espressos at least twice a day now.

im getting to know the people at the office better now, which is good. (: even right now im at the office and its because i slept overnight here. i will staying in the office until i finish what i need to finish. like yesterday's work and today's work before going to tara's place for dinner.

i am going to run to be an editor. culture editor. and i will get it. i will change the culture section (:

things that could be covered in the culture sections:
photos from parties on campus (monday)
party reviews (monday)
photo of the week (monday)
the cultures in vancouver
-protests and rallies
-ongoing events
-concerts
-sexuality stuff
-night life?
the cultures at UBC
-lifestyle
-fashion
-a day in the life of ________ (school mascot, cheerleader, sportmen (with training and stuff), music student, ams president, food caf worker, student librarian, land and food system student, RBF member, an editor at the paper, frat boy, skateboarder, commerce student, engineering students) (thursday)
-festivals and events
-unique things that are unique to UBC (vandalizing the E, interview the person who repaints the E everytime, bad turnout for games)(every 2 weeks monday)

yeah. i think thats about it for now. (:

the truth is

i am exhausted.

physically and mentally.

i kinda did bite off more than i can chew. running at track, trying to keep up with homework, dedicating my life to the paper, helping to plan socials for pride.

and now im in a rut where my brain is refusing to work, i have no motivation to run, and my only goals in life is to go to the office and do things for the paper and chill. and socialising with people.

my dad was right that i should just concerntrate on my studies. the office IS more interesting that school. le sigh. and he was right in predicting that i would get distracted.

i WILL go to all my classes tomorrow. i will take a shower after this post and finish the english paper that was due last friday, and go to sleep. i WILL wake up and go to class because thats what im here for.

and im worried about things that i shouldnt even be worrying about. le sigh. i need to plan my time a bit better. and no more crazy nights of just drinking and staying up late because my biological clock is way screwed up. like last night we went out drinking celebrating tara's 19, i eneded up going back at 4am, and i was barely functioning today. bleh.

the last weekend at yale, bc was epic. it was awesome. people where drunk for the entire weekend, and people did stupid shit and i got to know people a lot better, which is good in some ways and bad in others. haha. like i got to know what people where like and stuff like that. i wont be drinking for a really long while

so i've decided to going back to my hobo days during the first few weeks

i WILL go to the library from 9am-11am and do some studying in the library. go to class 11am to 1pm. 1pm go have lunch or grab something to eat and then go to the library til 4pm or take a nap then. 4pm go to class and then when class ends at 5pm, go to track and then have dinner at vanier and then go home.

this is how is worked out for the first few weeks of school, until i stopped going to the library. gah.

i will do this for wednesdays.

mondays and fridays 9-11am should be spent at the library. monday afternoons are now dedicated to the paper and fridays i end at 2pm, and that would give me a couple of hours to study before the night. tuesdays and thursdays i need to go to class 8-9.30am, tuesdays do some studying 10am til 2pm and then chill, and then thursdays are dedicated to the paper.

i need to get my life back into shape. and it feels better that i have a plan, and that its going to stat getting kicked back to shape tomorrow onwards.

i need to sleep now. screw that shower. i'll shower tomorrow after track (:

inspired by ah ngim

im making lists too (:

my lists. to be updated more within the next few weeks.

languages i want to learn
1. french

dialects i want to pick up
1. cantonese

career choices
1. child psychologist
2. theatre coach (like mdm)
3. artist (like drawing and stuff)
4. journalist (maybe in war or just news)

my goals in school (apart from studies)
1. eventually become an editor for the school paper
2. improve the gay community in schools and the relationship we share with other schools
3. make it to the improv team one year
4. eventually make it to the nationals for track (:

my long term goals in life
1. to pick up photoshop (for my art work and stuff)
2. stop child prostituition
3. learn to ballroom dance

okay gtg for work training (:

i think

being attractive is being comfortable in your own skin (:

today

btw just wanted to share this page from my floormate. she mixes music and sings. and its really cool

www.myspace.com/lauratechnodjwolfe

she doesnt really mingle much with me but she's just friendly enough and stuff without really getting that closer to be asked out for dinner and stuff.

yeahh

so we have this yearly tradition at ubc, its called day of longboat. basically you form a team with your friends, grab a longboat and there's a race in the water. it pretty cool. im on a team and the event is next week. i doubt i would be able to make it for the actual event now. more later. so the clinic was today and it was really fun (: i wouldnt mind trying out for the rowing team if they didnt have like 5.30am trainings on thurdays morning at richmond, which is like 30mins drive away.

after the clinic, i went for my usher job interview. it was like 2hrs+. so basically we were given like a 5 min introduction to the chan centre, and then we had a 20mins written interview, with questions like what qualities make a good front of house attendant, what is important for team work to happen, how does being a front of house attendant fit into your schedule. after that we had to do this group activity. first activity was we split into groups of like 4-5. and we're given pipe cleaner (those furry bendy things) and told to make a structure based on a common quiality we all share. my group was love for the performing arts, make a 3d shape and then made sturctures that represented dance, drama and music. (: it was pretty cool really haha.

and after that we had a stimulation ticket tearing thing. we had to rmemeber where all the seats are, coz like the odd boxes are on the left and even on the right, and like <150, <250, <350 numbered seats are all on the left and the rest are on the right. so we had to look at the tickets and direct people.

after that i waited chee bye long for the oral interview. i was like second last in my group, and i think its also becasue like the guy didnt have much questions to ask me. he was like what qualities do you have that would make you a good front of house attendant. and i was like oh im approachable and stuff. and he was like okay thats good and that i had really high chance of being hired, they just need to look at my written interview and that i should expect a call from them either on monday or tuesday.

so after that i had the audition to the musical theatre club which is called the gilbert and sullivan club. i have no idea what that means really. and like when i went into the interview room, there were like 8 judges. they were the director, dance cheoreographer and people. and like the guy who auditioned me for choir was there as well. omg. haha. i sang 'when you believe' from prince of egypt and after that the director was like so have you auditioned for any other performing arts groups and i was like yeah i auditioned for choir *pause* but i didnt get and i laughed. and the auditioneers laughed as well and kinda poked fun at the choir guy. he's like the music director for this i think. oh im auditionin for the musical 'the fantasticks' and some opera. lol. and anyway, the dance choreographer was like so you have no dance experience, and i was like i did jazz for like 2 months, and she was like do you know anything special like mime or somethin (OMG I FORGOT TO SAY I KNOW BASIC CHINESE OPERA MOVEMENT) and i was like i know really really basic mime work. and she was like oh okay and wrote it down on my paper. and she was like can you do backflips or anything and i was like er. haha i can do a cartwheel? and they were all like thats good! show us! and i did it and they all clapped lol. haha. after that the choir guy asked me to do some scales (again) and yeah. i think i did pretty well. next sun is the the dance auditions and the call backs are after that. BUT. the rehearsals are like every monday and wednesday 7-10pm and on sundays 1-5pm. usually people dont have to go for all the rehearsals until closer to show day coz the leads and the chorus might practise on seperate days. but that means i will have to go to rehearsals after sprint pratice.

speaking of which. it starts tomorrow and i really hope i dont suck too bad! lol

okay until next time (: the ubyssey is having a bonfire and im so psyched for it on tuesday night.

OH. my name is in the school paper!! i wikipedied a tiny section about the history of earthquake detection and the editor put my name there!! (: and my name is on the interview section coz i did the interviews for that issue. (((((: omg im so happy!! haha

OKAY MASS UPDATE

sept 6th
ok here are my thoughts i jotted down while waiting for class yesterday


"this is where i belong. amongst the tumbler holding, back-packing wearing, slipper donning and beautiful scenery, this is where i belong.

being here doesnt feel like a surprise or a disbelief, but rather an acknowledgemnt. an acknowledgement that im at home here and feels right.

coffee is a drug. it doesnt wake me up or keep me alert but put me in a state of serenity and stoning. its crucial for survival.

people here seems so different and all so talented in their own ways. last night i caught an aweseom german band Die Roten Punkte. They were really entertaining and some of their songs were really good. and there was this guy in the audience wearing a hat of a bear head that had connecting paw mittens.

i want to be smart and talented and special. i want to be involved in school as i was in jc. i want to be able to juggle all that and be like the super people here. i want to be confident, sexy and talents. and i know that will happen. its going to be impossile for me to lie low and be quiet.

people here ar ereally particular about what they eat and stuff. they gym a lot, to keep in shape. for some of them gymming and salds are a dailty ritual.

i need to shave my legs.

if i am loud and amazing in an asian country and culture, will i be similarly amazing in a western country? i dont think its the same. its like the choir and drama dilemna - too loud in choir and too quiet in drama. but you know what, i havent compared choir and drama like that in ages. i dont have to prove myself, or make myself different to accomodate to the opinions of others about me.

i can understnad why so many asians die their hair blonde or have blonde higlights and wear so much makeup. its makes then easier to have fun. you come across cooler, prettier and this really helps you get to the cool and partying people. asians tend to clique together and when you see one asian who is like normal looking in a group of caucasians, you kinda think omg she's trying so hard. but if she had blonde highlights, she's one of them.

no one fidgets in lectures at all."

i dunno. i want to be special you know? i dont want to be just another asian. anoter boring and studious asian. there are pratically no asians in the drama club.

and omg the improv here is fantastic. i swear. i have av video. that video doesnt do justice to what they do. they are so awesome. and i really like the guy in a white long sleeve shirt and black vest. he's probably gay. chee bye. but he's super sexy in a smart way.

people here get arrested for protests oyu know? like for one of the arrrest, like 19 people got arrested. and one of them i think was from amaerica, so when he tried to corss the border into canada, they stopped him. he was suppsed to make a student visa beforehand but for the past 2 years of school he has been making it on the spot at the airport but this time they detained him. and so he cant come to school and still stuck in america.

my psych proff told us that it didnt matter if we're pretty or ugly because everyone will be graded equally so we shouldnt offer him sex.

i need to finish plato's gorgias by monday. and its super boring.

school's started and im feeling really empty. is this what people with no ccas feel like?

i want to be a residence advisor next year. they're basically 2nd year and above students who stay in first year dorms to give advice and help organise parties. they have free housing and food at the dorm, their room is bigger with a much bigger bed, and they get paid like $5,500 at the end of the school year. i think it's a pretty good deal. i mean you make wonderful friends with the other resident advisors from the other floors. the problem is its pretty rare for girls to be a resident advisor in the 2nd year. and so im going to run for floor rep. which is basically representative for the floor, and like work with the resident advisors (there's one every floor) to organise like events for the floor or work with all the floor reps and the resident advisors to have a house event. which would be pretty cool.

i want to join improv. auditions are end of this month. so please wish me luck. i've never really seriously done improv. and poeple here are like super experienced in it, like thye have like high school competitive teams for improv.

so hows school/life for the rest of you?

and please REPLY me! so i know you guys aren dead! call you guys all sleeping. lol.

oh i went for my first football game today. and omg i didnt even know what was going on. haa. but it was cool. all the stands were yelling cheering or hitting their clapper things. it was cool.

i need to make more friends with similar interests.

there is a list of 90 things to do before you graduate from UBC on the year's first issue of the student newspaper. here goes:

1) find the Ubyssey, the student newspaper in the basement of the SUB (student union building)
2) smoke marijuana in behind Totem Park (enchanted forest)

*sidetrack. for my english class we had to write a diagnostic essay for him to see what our writing standards were. and it was 'should marijuana be legalized' and i have never written the word marijuana before and i thought he wrote it as marijwana. and that was how marijuna was spelt in my whole essay! omg hahahahah*

3) jump off the highdive while hammered at night
4) jump off the highdive while hammered and naked at night
5) join the hippy circle at the Grassy Knoll (a grassy hill near the SUB)
6) awkardly avoid the hippy circle at the Grassy Knoll
7) Take a nap at the swimming pool between classes
8) Break into the steam tunnels and explore them
9) Live in residence
10) Have sex in residence (whether living there or not)
11) go to a fraternity party
12) hit on the Blue Phone (emergency phone lines) while hammered and run away
13) break into a construction site, get spotted by the security, run away, lose your friend while running, stop in the middle of the street, look suspicious, and then run through a bush and trip on your face, then try to hide in a hedge while the RCMP (royal canadian mountain police) pull their taser on you and detain you
14) shucking your clothes on Wreck Beach
15) getting chaed by campus cowboys
16) jumping on the bouncy bushes on University BLVD sober
17) jumping on the bouncy bushes on University BLVD drunk
18) skaeboard/longboard down all 5 levels at the Rosegarden Parking lots
19) breaking into Nitobe Garden while high/drunk
20) break into the pool and jump off the highest diving board
21) using the excuse "but my last class was on the other side of campus!" when late for class
22) get arrested while protesting to save a pile of dirt
23) piss off the private residences who decided to live on a parting University campus
24) get lost on campus
25) get lost in the Endowment Lands
26) take a course because you just love studying the subject
27) take a course because you've heard it's a breeze
28) join the Ubyssey and take photos
29) have sex not in a residence (suggestion: club office, washroom that lock from the inside, on top of Koerners Pub)
30) go to the Radical Beer Faction (RBF) party
31) visit every building at least once
32) drink a beer in class
33) fall asleep in your favourite lounge
34) go to a Pit night
35) opt out of the health plan
36) buy your textbooks online
37) walk through through the Pacific Spirit Park
38) find steam tunnels while hammered (be safe please)
39) have a drink/lounch socially with a prof
40) protest something with the Student for a Democracy Society (SDS)
41) protest for something in writing in the Knoll
42) run for office as a joke candidate
43) take a nap on the disgusting SUB couches
44) take a nap in a library (the air is thinner so that the books dont light on fire)
45) eat at the deli
46) eat at the pendulum
57) eat at pie r squared

* i just realised they completely skipped 47-56.*

58) eat at the pit while not drinking
59) eat at the pit while drinking
60) eat at the pit while drinking heavily and hitting on someone you barely know
61) ride a bike to school
62) take the bus to school
63) ride an emu to school (or a bike)
64) join a drum circle on Wreck Beach
65) hit up a bzzr garden from every faculty
66) fall mysteriously ill on monday, april 20
67) watch the UBC Improv team
68) check out the CiTR these too-cool kids that do that radio thing upstairs in the SUB
69) abuse your u-pass by using it to go one block
70) wait one full day in the bookstore line without ever making a purchase
71) arrice late for an exam. yes. it will happen. no, you'll never stop kicking yourself for it
72) overdoes on energy drinks
73) same goes for Jager-bombs
74) and while you're at it, beer too
75) take magic mushrooms at Wreck Beach
76) attend an AMS council meeting
77) get thrown out of an AMS council meeting after shouting "Power to the people" incessantly
78) take a dip in the fountain outside the Irving K Barber
79) play hide and seek with your special someone across the campus
80) run to class
81) when someone is running to class call out "Run Forest! Run!"
82) check out the market housing on the south of cmapus
83) protest market housing
84) make plans to live in market housing
85) talk to your professors about something that has nothing to do wiht your course
86) read the Ubyssey bi-weeky
87) comment on the Ubyssey's website
88) relax and read for hours in the library
89) check out the oldest building on campus (the main library)
90) celebrate the Ubyssey being 90!

oh yeah. please check out 'the rocky horror show' i love the songs! ((: search it on youtube.

sept 7th

i was talking to my dad last night and i think the conversation we had was the most advice and fatherly he has been in ages. i told him that people are so awesomely talented here and im so afraid to like try out for stuff like improv because you know, what if i dont get it? and he was like then just have fun. if you want to win, the chances are that 99% you wont. but if you want to have fun, and winning isnt so important, then 99% you will have fun. and then i was like but then thing is i often screw up at auditions that i really really want. then he was like then dont care what other people think. there are thousands of people in school, they cant possibly remember everyone (actually they can but still). he says for the improv just go for it. if you have to do something stupid and funny just do it. dont care what people think but you're not yourself on stage so you have no need to be embarrased. you're someone else, another character. so yeah.

sometimes i really want someone to talk intimate stuff you know? and i know its too early to say whether i will find that group of friends here, but i think i will. i know i will.

for me i know that i cannot be too eager but its totally puts people off. i mean like im sort of like acting cool.. in my opinion.. haha ok i dont think im that cool yet. but like there's this girl who's only 17 this year (a year younger than most of first years) and she tries so hard to make everyone remmeber her. like she actually went around and knocked on all the doors and tried to introduce herself really loudly. there is a sign on all our doors that have our names and she put glitter on all the sings on the side of her floor (thank god mine didnt have the sign coz i was redoing my door or i would have gotten so irriated with her) and she just does attnetion seeking things. and then thing is i kinda think that she was crying in the bathroom like on friday night. i mean its hard, but you dont have to try so hard because there will be people who will like you for you.

and i know that for myself the first few days that i was here i completely just rejected and ignored everyone, because i wasnt prepared to be myself and share myself with everyone. i was prepared emotionally to make new friends. but now its much better. i say hi to people, smile at people, ask them whats going on. i even talk to the service people like the cashiers (everyone does that). i think being depressed and super negative for a few days kinda kicked me in the ass and now im feeling pretty good about myself. im my sociable self again and thats good.

i mean there are instances where when i walk with kyrstin, my ang moh friend on the floor, and other ang mohs walk by and ask a question, they dont look at me at all. or even yesterday's fund raising, the boys didnt come to find out myine or the other asian's names when they asked all the other ang mohs girls names in the group. i dont think they're being racist, but more of not knowing how to behave around other races. thats what i think and thats what i am going to believe. maybe they're afriad we dont speak english and if they started talking to us, we'd have an akward conversation in english. or maybe they're afriad we have wacko asian names that are difficult to pronounce. i dont know. but i do know that its hard. but i dont really care (:

last week when my philosophy prof told us to write a philo esssay about our philosophy of life, i didnt think i had anything. but now, looking back i think my philosophy on life is to be always optimistic and giving and be yourself. i dont think there is a name for that or even if it comes from a school of thought but whatever (: that is my philosophy for life. (:

im really excited about joining clubs. clubs dont really start til end of the month. ok so im planning on joining sprint. so im meeting the track coach this tuesday and i need to drop by the head coach for track's office to intoduce myself as well sometime this week. choir audition dates are out sometime mid august, and you can get credit if you're a non-music major if you join a choir!! its so cool!! haha and im trying out for improv end of this month, and im really excited about joinin because the presidents is CUTTEEE!!! (((: please check out my video to see how cute he is. HE IS THE ASIAN GUY IN A WHITE LONG SLEEVE AND BLACK VEST IN IMPROV AT TOTEM VIDEO (: AND im thinking of joining like drama club, but im going to check out their shows first. their next show is an original play, A Snowflake on the Tongue of Oberon, a shakesphearen styled play. its like a sequel to midsummer. so that'll be inreresting. all the good plays are done by the fine arts acting people so yeah (:

sept 8th

I SIGNED UP FOR POLE DANCE TODAY!!!! ((((: im so stoked about starting it end of the month.

AND EVERYONE I GOT 5/6 FOR MY LANGUAGE PROFICIENCY INDEX!!! (((: my heart is still beating damn fast AND im still smiling like an idiot haha.

im going to pick up my sociology reader later and im going to pop by the head coach of track and field to intorduce myself and stuff.

im sorting my resume and writing a cover letter coz i want to apply to be a usher at the chan centre which is a concert hall/ theatre. they pay $13.03/hr so i hope i get it. i need to vacuum my room but the vacuum cleaners arent here yet so i cant borrow any. i keep hearing someone vacuuming on my floor but i have yet to find out who that vacuum noises belong to. im going to drop by the music centre as well to check out when the choir audition dates are

and omg i totally am such a procrastinator! i was planning to finish all my reading on saturday BUT i didnt and ended up not going to Metrotown, which is this big assed shopping mall far far away on sunday. and i only finished my reading like at 11.30pm. and i went and gymmed for half an hour! im so proud of myself!! and im not eating junk food like chips and burgers all day long! the salad bar here is pretty good so im eating quite a bit of salads ((:

i still dont know a lot of people but im still feeling pretty happy (: im not owing homework and im managing my time pretty well i must say haha (: and im especially happy now coz i passed my english test!! (: haha so HAPPYYY (:

today has been so far the best day of my UBC life.

- i wasnt sleepy during bio lecture today (okay i did snooze a bit for the first place of philo lecture until i found a lollipop in my pocket and that woke me up)
- had someone i knew sit with me in soci lecture
- felt good about myself in english
- GOT A 5/6 FOR MY ESSAY IN LPI!!
- signed up for pole dancing
- exercised last night
- arranged to have a meeting with track coach tml
- finished all my work/reading due today
- not bored of school yet
- submitted my cover letter and resume for that part time front of house job
- bought super cool posters to put in my room
- was just in time to sign up for the last audition slot for choir which is in 2 hours time!!!

I CANT HELP IT! ITS SUCH A GREAT DAY TODAY

i think its because i finally exercised like for real last night. the exercise god has finally shined his light on me (:

wish me luck for the choir aud!

*later that day*

ok choir aud went alright, except that there were a lot of music majors who auditioned for it and like they would get priority coz they need the credits to pass a year.

OH btw yesterday was a great day as well BECAUSE RICHARD LAM (AKA THE IMPROV PRESIDENT AKA THE CUTE GUY IN WHITE LONG SLEEVE AND BLACK VEST IN MY IMPROV AT TOTEM VIDEO) WALKED PAST ME YESTERDAY!!! ((((:

anyway

i was so nervous at the choir aud that i couldnt breathe properly. i was like hypervnetilating, and couldnt reach all the high notes. and like obviously from not singing properly in a year, i became extrmely airy. well i'll know on thursda whether im in or out

AND

like i got an email from the guy i was emailing from track and he told me there's a track and field and country TEAM meeting like on the 24th of september.

and its like tryouts are only in october, so its like what if i dont make it because there are people ike this:

http://communities.canada.com/theprovince/blogs/high_school_hamper/archive/2008/04/16/multi-event-whiz-pattison-seeks-to-repeat-as-b-c-heptathlon-champion.aspx

in the first year team.

and im meeting the sprint couach later so im really nevous as well. im damn scared he'll tell me "oh. im sorry but you're too.. you dont have tHe right form to be on the team"

IF HE TELLS ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT I WILL BE SO DAMN EMBARRASSED!!!

or something like that.

ang mohs here are damn athletic, so i dont know why i would want to join the team because its crazy.

SIGH. i need to run tonight again.

*later that day some more*

anyway

one more thing about yesterday's choir aud. the guy asked me to sing a song because i guessed he knew i was super nervous. i sang for good and he was smiling and said see you can sing when you're not so nervous. SO IM HOPING TO GET IN!!

ok.

i went to meet the sprint coach and omg. they train everyday except for friday. so the plan is like this

mon, wed 4.30-6.30pm hardcore sprint training
the coach will correct your techingque and stuff

sat 10.30am-12.30pm hardcore sprint training on a slope
ditto.

tues, thurs and sun own time own target
there's like this thing called tempo training. its in your own time but a set and of stuff you need to do which is not hardcore but to strengthen your muscles. im supposed to gym but since i'm not from a track team before the coach told me not to worry first he'll teach me at a later date (i think he's seeing whether i migh drop out)

apparently there are a lot of people who applied for team tryouts this year. and every year like there are nationals at seattle, and only like one or two van, thus limited seats. so only the best get to good.

and the training on mon and wed clash with my last lecture which ends at 5pm so the coach was slightly miffed by it but i guess he's still encouraging about me joining the team. he's not actually part of the ubc track team, but i think a few years back he trained some people with no experience and they got good enough to be on the ubc track team. so im really looking forward to a lot of pain.

oh and fri is my off day.

if i get choir it'll fit. just that my monday and wednesday would be chee bye super hectic. haha but i love it that way. so i will have

0800 Biol lectue (50mins)
1100 Soci lecture (50mins)
1200 Engl class (50mins)
1500 Choir (50mins)
1600 Phil lecture (50mins)
1700 Track training (2 hours)

its not THAT bad right? i mean drama was something like that as well. just that i dont think there are people crazy like me

oh and did i mention im trying to onto the school newspaper staff? currently im only a volunteer but if i can get 3 of my articles published and come for 3 staff meetings then i can become a staff. i cant make it for the staff meetings coz it clashes with class on wednesday so i dont need to fulfil that requirement. i've submitted 2 things to my editor. im currently writing for the culture column. okay check it out and please tell me what you think. its supposed to be funny and like an anecdote.

"
Just a short introduction about myself: I was born in Vancouver, BC and was raised right here at UBC. I migrated to Singapore when I was six and had been living there since then. Finally after months of stalking the UBC website, I am finally here, and I am extremely estatic.

From a couple of days of trend spotting and trying to figure out what people here in Vancouver wear and do, I have come up with a list of things that people here do that people (or rather I) in Singapore don’t do:

1) Wear back packs
People in Singapore usually use sling bags and most people would get a Crumpler bag. I don’t know really. Backpacks seem like such a nerdy thing to lug around back home. Backpacks are practically extinct.

2) Carry tumblers around
People here drink a lot of coffee and really care about the environment. I actually worked at a coffee place back home and for the 9 months I was working there, I never had to do a personal order. I doubt we’re even trained to handle people who bring in their own tumblers.

3) Wear shorts and flip-flops
I know its one thing to wear that combination in hot weather, but in temperatures such as these?! People in Vancouver must be made of steel.

4) Protest
It’s illegal to protest (or rather you have to get permission from the government but the government almost always says no) in Singapore, as well as chewing gum, tree climbing and drug possession. It seems kind of fun, even the whole getting arrested part.

Those are just a few off the top of my head, and it’s interesting to see what I am allowed to do here. I could get stoned, be openly gay, get nude on the beach, protest, chew gum, climb trees, gather in groups more than six and not get judged and get into any major trouble.

It’s going to be such an awesome time here."

and

"I went gymming two nights ago, and felt fantastic. The next day was an awesome day; got all the course I wanted to do this term, signed up for pole dancing class, bought super cool posters for my room, managed to get that last audition slot for choir and saw that really cute guy from Improv near the SUB.

As I was gushing about my fantabulous day to my floor mates at the cafeteria, one of them stopped me and said, “Kathy, you mean you went to the gym right?”

“Yeah. Gymming.”

That was when I realised that the word ‘gymming’ doesn’t exist.

Another such scenario also happened at the caf. It was one of the earlier days of school and I was trying to get to know more people and make friends. I sat beside a girl I didn’t really know and started eating. A guy came towards the table and proclaimed to the girl next to me, “Oh my god, I just got jacked by my friends.”

When it didn’t seem to register in her head, he looked bewildered and asked, “Don’t you know what that means?”

This was where I decided to nod sagely and said matter-of-factly, “Yeah. Like Punk’d.”

This was where the both of them looked at me like I said I don’t eat salmon and chorused a very judging, “What?” My explanation got drowned in my salad

From where I came from, the word ‘gymming’ was never wrong in essays and if you got ‘jacked’, it meant you got tricked, like in Punk’d. The elevator is called the ‘lift’ and short hair covering your forehead is called a ‘fringe’, not bangs. I still don’t know what ‘jacked’ by your friends mean.

So either my whole nation was using English wrongly, or we just have our own thing going on. Whatever it is, I sure feel like I’m getting ‘jacked’ when people help me rediscover English.

So much for English being my first language."

so??? its it alright??

okay its only 7pm and im exhausted..

sept 10th

okay i am really sleepy today. i tried to keep awake during lectures but its not happening. my room is gross because i need to vacuum, and the communal vacuum is not here yet.

i sent my stories like yesterday and like my editor hasnt replied at all!! and he said that he checks like 12 times aday!! could it be because it sucks so bad?!!? GAH

im meeting the head head coach of track and field tml so wish me luck! haha im really intimidated.

yeah i know its kinda worrying that im doing all this stuff. i called home and told my dad the plans and he was liek why do you want to do some much stuff in your first year? you know you have 4 years right? and i was like yeah but i dont want to do something new every year. i want to just be in it. and my dream college scenario is to go to school, and be in track, drama and choir.

and maybe editorial board.

i dont know. maybe im crazy. but i compromise! i dont go to crazy late night parties. i go to the library during my free periods to study and read up.

and btw i have an analogy about the library thing. if i were in singapore, the library would be the last thing i would do because i could always go and look for you guys and disturb you. i think that was the major reason whyi didnt study at all. because i was distracted by all of you. not a bad thing thats my problem. but here, i dont have people/friends to get distracted by. no one asks me out for dinner. no one asks me to go clubbing. no one asks me to go watch or movie

or rather no one i really care about

so im not obligated/excited/want to go and socialize. so i study and do my reading. and i love the library! because there are computers here as well but you cant use them for too long because there's a line to use the computer.

like beside there is this couple who are trying to study but they totally cant because they keep talking to each other. yeah thye keep telling each other okay stop talking to me or ok we need to study. but i cant feel that they are still distracted by each other. they'll still notice that the other is twirling her hair or the other started smiling at something

do you get what i mean? so i guess its good for now

and im planning to try out the track thing for a month. ok maybe two months because tryouts are next months and if i dont get onto the actual track team, i'll train with the rest of them for maybe a month more. im not a quitter. but i think i just want to see whether i can run fast and i have established with the sprint coach that that is why i want to try out for track.

i mean i know of people on my floor who are completely distracted. what with mixing her own music or trying to make everyone notice her, and they arent gettign ANY work done. and im worried. because i dont even dare to miss any class now because one class makes SUCH a big difference. and i need to read or i'll be like completely ignorant in the lecture. and i hate it that everyone else has such great big opinions and when you give your own opinion, they either (a) give you a dirty look that you disagree or (b) give you a dirty look coz maybe what i said was stupid. but i've never been really opinionated or been prompted to thikn about philosphies or even how does society function. and i feel so slow and stupid compared to everyone else. GAH. i guess i need to read more. and faster. haah

i mean like im reading plato's gorgias, and im just thinking what IS the whole point of reading this book? its this dialogue between Socrates and Gorgias and two of his disciples, so its really like a play from ancient Athens. but im just like, okay yeah i know what Socrates is trying to say, that this whole discussion is about the way we live life. but are we going to use this book? what is the PURPOSE of this book? because Gorgias is being SUCH an ass by not explaining, by giving vague answers and thus Socrates has to dig the answers out of him WHICH IS WHY THE BOOK IS SO CHEE BYE LONG!.

gah. i hate the book. but im getting through it. i kinda finished half thebook already, but realised i remembered nothing/ little about it and so im starting from the top and taking down qoutes i find important (or stupid) that either Gorgias says or Socrates says and that kinda helps me remember better.

and i dont think first year is about playing. i want to work towards an honours. but like. for exmaple my english class is such a bore and like omg. i dont know what direction my prof is taking it. SO. im meeting ALL my prof by next week to talk to them and ask them questions. im going to go to see the bio TA tml to ask him questions. and soci next mon. i really need to understadn to move on

sept 11th

(this is going to be a emo RANT. you have been warned)







i didnt get the choir.

i know i kinda expected it, being so nervous and so many music majors auditioning as well, but

its hard.

it just seems like there's an empty hole in me. like something is missing from me not being in a choir. and i miss that rush when you sing in a choir and chords fit.

its who i am. being in choir. im always the choir girl. or the drama girl in choir. its part of my identity. so now im not in choir, what do people call me? the asian girl who looks like the other milion asians? ...

...

and too think that if i had gotten into acjc through choir meant anything at all. thank god i didnt appeal into ubc through choir. i probably wouldnt have made it in at all.

i know im not one of the best in choir, but i know that i can sing. and i guess being big shot in a small fry country doesnt mean much in a big shot country.

and you know what?

screw it all. i dont have to follow who and what i was back in singapore. i'll create a new identity for myself

today i was at the editorial office the whole afternoon. i hadnt planned on staying so long, but the media guy was teaching me how to edit videos on the mac so i stayed and learned.

and i want so badly to belong to somewhere. really. i need somewhere a place where i can run to and be the big shot and be the casual one and not the frightened and paranoid person im feeling right now

geez. i sure change opinions really fast huh?

so in the end i was the camera girl. and i saw this really cute asian guy who used to be the photographer but is doing the sports section now. (ITS HOPELESS IM NOT GOING TO MARRY AN ANGMOH. MY HUSBAND IS MOST PROBABLY GOING TO BE AT MOST HALF ANG MOH AND MOST PROBABLY CANADIAN BORN CHINESE)

and i like being the camera girl. yeah i dont play much of a role, but no one wants to do it. so i like it. there's this girl from colorado who has worked with like major television stuff and its crazy.

im such a nobody here. i dont know anyone. i dont have background in track. i have never performed improv. i wasnt in my high school editorial board. i cant make it into choir.

SO WHAT THE HELL AM I GOOD AT ANYWAY?!

...

so you know what? screw all that.

i dont have to be my old self. im in a new country, maybe anew me would be good. i should flirt. and fucking get a boyfriend by end of the term. i dont understand why i dont attract the opposite sex. or why i dont appeal to ANYONE AT ALL. what do girls do anyway to get a boyfriend? GAH.

im feeling so internally muffed

sept 15th

OKAYY.

im being completely exhausted these few days, and so im trying not to get too over excited about things here because its super draining. haha. the most recent weekend has been a complete waste of time. i went on a bio field trip on sat which i felt was a waste of time coz i had to travel and stuff. yesterday sunday was a waste of time coz i signed up for the international peer program and spent my whole day at the aquarium and the park and shopping. i know its not a waste of time, but i could have spent my time on my enormous pile of reading. oh well.

this is going to be a quick update coz like i need to catch up on reading.

sprint practice starts from next monday, so i've been trying to run everyday to get used to the 6 day practice week. i think my body's in for a whole lot of pain.

my interview to be an usher at the chan centre is this sunday, and i hope i get it. i had to retype my resume to make it more formal looking because they're really big on resumes and stuff and i had to do a cover letter, which is this letter where its more personal, like you write on why you are suited to that specific job. the interview session is 2 hours long, consisting of an introduction to the chan centre, a written interview, an oral interview, interactive exercise and a Q&A session. seems like such a big thing huh? yeah haha. i never had such an elaborate job interview before so i really hope it'll go fine.

i need the job coz i kinda overspend my emergence money by a $1000. haha yeah. i need to put back some of the money.

girls on my floor are the pretty quiet ones generally. i mean there is this girl who suddenly starting organising movie nights and stuff coz she's running for floor rep. she's really loud and noisy. i know she's a nice girl and great person, but just doesnt know when to be quiet and stuff. she's ALWAYS enthu. (omg. i know how you guy feel about me early school mornings) haha yeah. i doubt she studies much.

but im doing all my work. trying to make connections with the profs. my bio TA is really cute so im only going for his time slots for consultation (and also the prof's consulation times clash with my class on wed so that sucks). im seriously dreading english class because my prof always sounds like he's on pot and that he's talking slowly and like.. gorillaz'a sunshine in a bag? yeah. something like that.

oh i dont think im going to volunteer for the editorial board until i've gotten more adapted to school and feel more confident in going on and meeting all those big shots. i mean i dont have to go down to the office to write stuff. they send news pitches a day beofre production day twice a week, so i could just pick a news pitch, write it, and see how it goes. that would make more sense then to just go down to the editorial board every monday and thursday and waste my time there. i will only go if i do have the time to waste.

im helping with the pride people. so im thinking of applying for the social coordinator and the to be the editor in chief during Outweek issue of the school newspaper in Feb. that sounds so cool (: i hope they arent miffed that im not gay or something haha.. there's a meeting today that clashes with my class but im going to meet them after my class ends so thats cool (:

i think a main reason why my time is so much better managed now is because i dont have friends. haha. i know that sounds so bad. but i mean friends who i can totally hang out with and spend time together just doing nothing. basically. its because i dont have you guys here. haha. its not a bad thing. its just me i guess. i get distracted really easily. i think back and think of all the time i wanted to study but got distracted and went to disturb other people. here. i am the frigging mature one who doesnt drink or smoke or party crazy. yeah i have crazy ideas still but i say no to so much stuff

the amount of work i've done like these 3 weeks is defintely the most work done i've done in.. 6 years? hahahahaha. omg. i really have been slacking. but i really feel good about completing an assignment/ reading. its less stressful for me as well during lectures coz i would understand everything (:

and its okay. im past the 'i need a man' phase. it was during my period. go figure. haha

and so because the pride people were having a meeting during one of my classes, right after the class i went to check out the meeting and found out i got sworn in as the EDITOR IN CHIEF for the pride-ubyssey issue next feb during outweek ( a awareness week about gay/transexual people) and as a social coordinator. which is pretty cool. and i dont have to be gay! (: so im on the exec committee. which is scary and pretty cool haha. they meet every moday night at 6.30pm for discussion and stuff, so if i really get into the sprint training and stuff i can only go after that.

this friday my floor is throwing a pirate party, becasue its international talk like a pirate day and a floor mate and i decided that since we dont get invited to parties, we should bring the party to us. haha. so hopefully then we'll get invited to parties. (: and just a sidenote, the other girl who is damn frigging hyper and is also running for floor rep, heard about it, and then ran around the floor telling everyone about the party, and now everyone thinks that it was her idea. i know im sounding impolite and stuff but i HATE it when that happens. she is so frigging like organising stuff to be floor rep and i think everyone is going to vote for her!! ): i know its not as big thing, but being floor rep gives you extra points towards being a resident advisor next year. and i want to be one! OKAY. shant be all sour about it. haha

*later that day*

i just randomly decided that i wont do work today, and it feels great. i mean i have a lot of work to do, but like i have the whole day off tomorrow after 9.30am and i know i will be studying the whole day tomorrow and im feeling so content now. it feels good not have to think of studying and just enjoying. its always i have an internal fight between the two. i dont even know how i came to the decision of not doing work tonight. haha. but its a good decision because my soul so needed the break. and even though i didnt do anything much, its just good i give myself some ME time. (:

im starting to really like school, like even the studying. soci is really interesting, like how it evolves and how like everyone thought the early thinkers were crazy. socrates was accused of corrupting the young and stuff, its kinda sad and funny at the same time.

i missed a bio reading quiz online and like i cant take it! its accounting to like 25% of my marks and im emailed the prof and asked her for the qeustions for the sake of educating myself and not for the marks. now i know i have to do my bio test during the weekend no matter what.

i've decided that i'm going to volunteer with the editorial board i will only do so on thursday. (: and the ubsyssey (pronounced as "ubc" and its the name of the school paper) is having a bonfire next tuesday night. im really psyched. i hope the sport editor will be there. he's really cute (:

and the track team is having a rookie night next friday. im not sure whats it about but i really appreciate them like invovoling everyone who is like keen on joining. there's like 60 people who signed up for track this year! haha its crazy. but im really pysched. (:

i just need to prioritise stuff. like tomorrow. i need to finish my bio project (all the forest photosyou see and guys commenting the speicies of the organism) tml, and start on plato's apology (yes its a different book. its like a different book EVERY WEEK!)

sept 17th

im just going to gush. because im in a typing mood now haha

there's like a resident coordinator for our house, who is like this senior person who has been a resident advisor (in charge of a floor) for a couple of years. the rc for my house is johnston, and he's this really tall sporty/geeky kind cute asian guy. and omg. he frigging has a fan club on facebook which consists of 40 people. and dont worry im not on that facebook group. yet. haha no im kidding i wont go and join it. but like there's a mini whiteboard on his door, and i wrote "hey sexy" on it. it was there for a week. and this week it was "hey johnston, you brighten up me day!" and im just like OMG i have competition!!! hahahaahahahah. but yeah. he's pretty cute. there are at least 8 people on my floor who finds johnston amazingly cute/hot. haha.

and i messaged the improv pres a few days ago about improv andhe replied!!! okay this doesnt really count coz its about work.. but he replied!!! hahaha omg.

and here's the link that has the improv pres.

http://www.new.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=30764737233

he's the one wearing WHITE LONG SLEEVE and BLACK VEST.

and im out. (:

*later that day*

me being like asian here its pretty intimidating on a daily basis like in normal life. i feel more intimidated in doing something that they are good at. it like they are so good at what they do and im joining, thinking that i am and they'll like laugh at me or something. i dont know. i dont know how to explain it to you, but i just feel really intimidating by the ang mohs. they always have more to say, and are just so confident of theirselves. i frigging stutter in lectures now. i dont know. maybe i need to get out more. and make ang moh friends haha.

and im missing mooncake fest! ):

these fews days are club days, so basically people show their clubs and stuff. haha. and since on the pride exec, i need to be down at the booth. and there is such thing as asexual. GLORY! i know you arent but yeah there is. there's something called pansexual as well. lol.

im having a really busy week next week. i signed up for improv tryouts. its next tues. there's the editorial board bonfire next tuesday as well so im going for it afterwards.

wednesday i have sprint training and after that there is a track and field/ x-country meeting at 7pm.

thursday i have an audition for a series of david ives one act plays in the morning ((: and the weird shakespeahrean styled play that is the sequel to midsummers at night.

friday is the track team rookie night, and its kyrstin my friend's birthday so im bummed i cant celebrate her age of legal alcohol drinking (you have to be 19)

sat sprint training and day of long baot. an annnual event at ubc involving long baot competition. haha (: yup. improv seems really intimidating (yes i know im being super intimidated by so much stuff here) but i guess i just have to forget self and engage.

didnt run today coz my muscles ache. will continue running tomorrow.

sept 18th

OKAY
i know all of you are going to like kill me. okay maybe just be like 'haiyo kathy!'

yesterday was club day and i have joined:
1) track
2) improv
3) players club
4) pride ubc
5) philosophy club
6) psychology club
7) singapore club
8) the ubyssey
9) the radical beer faction
10) gilbert and sullivan club

okay i cant remember the 9th one!! haha omg im so going to die!!! but i have a reason for all the clubs

1) coz i wanted to run
2) coz improv is cool and i wanna challenge myself to do it
3) i can choose the projects and they're doing david ives!!
4) coz i want to fight for gay rights. now everyone is going to think im gay coz i was sitting on the booth. and also because im on the comm thingy
5) & 6) i wanna go for lectures. i dont have to do all the socials andstuff.
7) coz im rom singapore and i nned spicy food.
8) coz i wanna write (: and eventually gain experience to do a masters in journalism
9) coz its cool
10) they;re the musical group. and also project based so it depends (:

YUP. im having a full college life. in fact im at the ubyssey office now and its pretty cool (:

sept 19th

its the last day of club days and im sitting at the pride booth. and seriously speaking, im kinda uncomfortable about it. sitting here at the pride booth would only mean one thing - that you're gay. its just an assumption that people make when they see someone at the gay booth. i mean seriously, why would a straight person be sitting there at all? and my bio TA saw me there but i hope he doesnt remember me from that one time i went to look for him.

im here because in equal rights and that true love can happen despite whatever gender we have. and where nothing is happening in singapore, it doesnt really matter if you had strong opinions about it because it doesnt matter. no one really cares about it there. but here. people are open and i mean really open. and yesterday when i hung out with a couple of them, i felt uncomfortable. big time. like seriously. and i dont know whether i know what im getting myself into.

like at the booth. people walking past will look at you and then look at the booth and then make that assumption that you're gay. even my fellow exec people thought i was lesbian, until i said that i was straight. and like there was this girl who signed up at the booth for the mailing list, she kinda looked at me, giggled a bit and told me that her name was brendan by the way. and i was like, oh. hi. haha.

and i dont want to be assumed gay! i know you wll tell me then why in the eworld would you join the rpide club and be assumed that way? i dont know. lol.

sept 20th

okay i went downtown yesterday afternoon to shop (friday afternoon. shops usually close at 6pm but on fir and sun night they close at 9pm)

my class ended at 2pm, and then i went shopping after that. the plan was to make it back in time for the football game at 7pm. we left downtown at 9pm lol.

and okay. like one of the weird incidents i had there was this guy in a shop which sold like punk stuff. he was dressed up as a pirate, and because my floor was having a pirate party later that night (which flopped. more later) i was like omg idd you buy that hat here?? and he was like no. and i was like oh man. and then he went on to tell me about this party at a lagoon like next weekend. and he gave me a postcard with all the details. and he was like, and i will give you this, (a $50 ticket to the party) if you help me with my tie. his tie was caught like with his necklace and he wanted his necklace in front of his tie. and so i did it. and later on when i asked me friend who went shopping with me but she wetn away to look at stuff whether it was safe to do that and she was like no. lol. so i told her next time she caitches me like being stupid and naive pull me away haha. so the website to the party is www.secretlakes.com

and omg i kept buying like really cheap stuff. i actually went into aldo and saw this really cute cream yellow bag and it was like $45. and i thught about it for a while and decided to buy it. when at the chasier, the bag was only $25! and i was like. how come the toal price (i bought a hairband as well) was like $42. and the girl at the counter was like oh these bags are under sale (((: and later i went into this aldo liquidation store were EVERYTHING was like half priced. omg. i didnt know, and bought this pair of white espadrilles for a tropical themed party the next day and it was like $20. when i went to the counter, it became like $10!! i went crazy. i stayed in the store trying to get another pair of shoes, but they frigging didnt have my size (9). there were this really bright orange, yellow, hot pink pumps that i really wanted. but they didnt have my size. and i didnt buy boots ):

i bought a bag at roxy which is really cute and so no discounted. when we went in it was like no body there and we were like wondering whether it was closed because there were like nobody there and like the door was closed. it was only 8.30pm and so we pushed open a door and this guy standing at the door wa slike hi. so i went upstaris, coz i needed a pair of flip flops

(BTW. it just frigging started to rain omg i should have bought a pair of boots!!)

and like there was practically no one there. i found out later from one of the people working there that someone robbed from the store. this guy just came in, grabbed some jeans and took off. and i was like wtf? yeahh.

okay and like later i went back residence and like the pirate party was a complete failure. the music was bad, people werent dancing, music wasnt loud enough. and so i went to find better speakers and found my ra's speakers which a frigging loud. but by the time i came back, all the people besides my floor girls were not there. and i was like seriously wtf. and then veronyka, the girl who became floor rep, was all this isnt my idea. it's kyrstin's idea (the other girl who came up with the idea) and she wasnt even there. and i was like seriously wtf. you wanted to fucking throw this party. you throw a bad party and blame it on someone else? wtf?? and then it becamse like another movie night, becuase for movie night you just need to turn on your laptop and do nothing else. seriously

so me and some other girls scoured aroung for some parties happening. along the way we met another of our floormates (who totally ignored us coz she was with her cool firneds) and chatted with one of the guys in the group

the thing is when we were in another house this big white guy in a baseball cap was just leering at one of the girls with me, and like we moved around a bit and he kept moving with us, still leering at her, until i just asked everyone to get out of the house.

so i told that guy about it and he was like thank god you're safe!! and he actually went on to tell us how a girl got raped last night in one of the houses. he's from that house and like a girl in the house on another floor told him about it. this girl stumbled in from the stariwell with her pants down to her knees and went into the toilet and just puked her guts out. and i was omg wtf. and he was like just be careful, coz this kinda thing really messes up your mind and stuff. and i was like thanks for the heads up.

and like then when i went into the commons block, i saw that creepy baseball guy playing pool with a floormate/ bio lecture mate of mine brie. brie was with her boyfriend of 3 weeks and 2 of his firends and that creepy baseball hate guy. so i went over and whispered and told her about the baseball guy, and she was ong but i know him (probably throught that stupid boyfriend of hers) and he came over and i said out loud oh so we're going to the pit ( a pub on campus) and the baseball guy was like i wanna go too and i was like sorry girls night out. and i continued to like pretend-whine that why werent they all 19 yet (legal age of drinking in bc) and he was like im 19 and im just like dude, sorry girls night out. and then i told brie about the raped girl as well. it may not be true but its safer to assume it si true. i told her i didnt trust her boyfriend or any of the boys here and that when she reaches back into her room to msg me. her boyfriend kinda like pushed her to like kiss and stuff and the thing is i think she likes him more than he likes her. so i really dont like him.

so i went to the pub with anu, this girl from mongolia/new york and she was the girl the baseball guy was leering at. the music there is awesome, but like the stupid frat boys from beta were there and like i heard stuff about them and they are no good. we had 2 shots, which were going for like 3.25 for one for either pornstar or polar bear. they were pretty good. so we started dancing. and like these guys came up and one of them started grinding anu from behind. 2 of his firned came over and like one of them grabbed me from behind and i was like wtf, grabbed anu and wmoved away. we later established that we dont want that to happen. and if that happens every again we just pull each other away. later on the way home she told me that the ang moh actually told him firend to try this. WTF. i know we're like the only asians in the fucking club, but that doesnt mean you can fucking use us.

and when i reached home i just collapsed on the bed and fell alseep, make up and all still on.

thats all for now (:

and

im going to lose 15 kg by the time i come back in dec.

ok maybe 10 (:

i think

im going to marry a band person.

like someone in a band, like my chemical romance and what not.

seriously, there's just something insanely sexy about a guy performing on stage (: playing an instrument, bonus if he sings (:

yup

(:

10 more days.

its the 16th of august 2008 today.

10 more days before i get on that plane and fly off back to my homeland.

and to be truthful. im really getting emo. amidst all the excitement of finally going to my dream school.

i promise i wont get emo. i just need to get it out of my system.


ok here it goes.

what if i dont like it there?
what if i cant fit in?
what if i cant make friends?
what if i cant study?
what if i miss home too much?
what if the people there are childish and stupid?
what if i dont like what i study?
what if i really miss people here?
what if i fall into the deep dark shit hole of drinks, drugs and sex?
what if i get pressured into doing something i would never do and regret forever?
what if i cant make friends?!

what if i change?
what if i come back and i cant click with people anymore?
what if the people here change?

i dunno. its just that you know if the people here cant make friends then they still have their old friends to meet up and chill you know? but im going to CANADA. where no body else goes to. its so far away! and practically no one i know there. because no one goes to canada.

what if do things i regret later to fit in? like drink, do drugs, have sex. im sure people there do it all the time. and they're all 18. and sound super childish and stupid on the facebook discussion boards.

im going to miss everyone here. really. im going to miss the spicy food. the cheap food. my family. the friends i can call and just meet up for a chat. friends who get me and vice versa. the lousy weather. everything.

ok im done.

on the other hand im really excited! im finally leaving soon. firstweek is sooo frigging exciting. we're having bbq nights, movie nights, improv session, pool party at the indoor and outdoor swimming pool. there are so many football and basketball games going on that im going to catch. its so awesome. oh oh and there's a muggle quidditch tournament on the last 2 days of firstweek. its going to be awesome (:

love you guys (: